Scripture: Luke 13:18-21

Michele Dowdy from Church of the Holy Spirit on Vimeo.

Dear Parents,

            Hi! My name is Tori Long. I am a senior at Roanoke College and I am interning with Mike this semester. I am very excited to give the talk on Sunday. As you know, over the last two Sundays we have been talking about dating and what the Bible has to say about dating relationships. Two Sundays ago Mike asked the question, “Why do we date?” or more importantly, “Why should we date?” After looking at the Scriptures, we decided that God calls us to date only when we are ready to earnestly and honestly seek a Godly spouse. Then last Sunday, Faith took this a step further by talking about looking for someone that God’s Word calls us to look for and how compromise should not be an option. 

This week I ask the question, “What happens if you have already made mistakes in dating relationships?” Here’s a bit of my testimony I believe the students can relate to. A couple years ago when I was in high school, I was dating a guy that I was positively crazy about. He was not only smart and funny, but he was also my best friend. We even went to church together. I was convinced that this guy was “the one.” I seriously thought this was the guy I was going to marry one day. So much so, that I did a lot of things with him that I have grown to regret. About two years ago this guy that I was so convinced was “the one,” broke up with me and it didn’t take long before all of those mistakes I had made with him began whirling around my head, filling my heart with shame and regret. I had given him a piece of me that I would never be able to get back, leaving my heart broken and wounded. I can remember thinking that I had messed up so bad that I had lost my value in Christ. I was convinced that God couldn’t love me after what I had done.

The following verses show how wrong I was: 

Romans 8:38 “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death no life, neither angles nor demons, neither fears for today, nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”

• No matter what mistakes we have made, God will never stop loving us. And it is with this unfathomable love that God will ultimately heal our hearts. 

Psalm 147:3 “God heals the broken hearted and bandages their wounds.”

• God heals us in every way for every mistake no matter how big it may seem. If we honestly and sincerely confess to God that we have made a mistake and we wish to turn away from it, then he will forgive us and ultimately heal our heart by blessing us with His overwhelming peace.  

There is a common illustration that I actually hated the first time I heard it; it is the illustration of your heart being like a beautifully wrapped gift. Every time we give a piece of ourselves away to someone a piece of the gift is torn away until the gift is left completely torn up. But, it is the end of the metaphor that I really want to focus on, and that is that through God’s love and forgiveness the gift (our hearts) is not simply rewrapped, instead it is transformed and made new. 

2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

• It is through God’s love and forgiveness that our hearts are healed and made new.  

To wrap it up, I want to challenge everyone to think about the relationships they have had or if they haven’t dated, think about the relationships they one day will have and imagine how different those relationships would be if they were focused around God.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. If you have ever made a mistake or have a regret in any area of your life (not just dating relationships), what hope can we have based on scriptures? 

Note to Parents: No matter what mistakes we have made, God will never stop loving us. And it is with this unfathomable love that God will ultimately heal our hearts (Romans 8:38). God heals us in every way for every mistake no matter how big it may seem. If we honestly and sincerely confess to God that we have made a mistake and we wish to turn away from it, then He will forgive us and ultimately heal our heart by blessing us with His overwhelming peace (Psalms 147:3). It is through God’s love and forgiveness that our hearts are healed and made new (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

2. Does what we have talked about over the last couple weeks change the way you look at dating? If so, how?

Have you ever thought any of the following?:

"Our church is so big and I don't have any close friends here."

"I can't share my personal struggles or successes with anyone."

"I have questions about the Bible and want to ask someone."

"I feel alone."

"I'm new here and want to get plugged in at CHS."

These questions are understandable when you attend a large church like CHS. HOWEVER... There is one solution I'd like to suggest to you who might be feeling this lack of community: LIFE GROUPS. A LIFE Group is a small group of people (usually 8-16 members) meeting together throughout the week to connect with each other, be equipped through Bible study, and to care for one another. For fear that some may not read past the first paragraph of this enews, please click the following link if you have always wanted to get involved in a LIFE GROUP but haven't known how:

"HELP ME FIND A LIFE GROUP" SURVEY

For those who need more information about LIFE Groups, read on...

Who can be in a LIFE Group?

Anyone and everyone! We have over 40 groups made up of couples, singles, only men, only women, mixed groups, youth, and college students. Several new groups are forming right now. All these groups have room for you!

When do LIFE Groups meet?

Almost every night of the week, in the morning before work, during the day...you get the picture - all the time!

How can I get involved in a LIFE Group?

I thought you'd never ask! We have a wonderful opportunity for you next week to find out more about LIFE Groups. Tuesday, 7pm in the Fellowship Hall we will be holding a Group Link Dessert. This is a non-threatening way to meet the small group leaders and learn more. Picture "speed dating" for a LIFE Group! We will share some fantastic desserts and just enjoy each other's company. Small groups will be represented at each table and you can meet and mingle with the leaders. Childcare will be provided for 4th grade and under in the nursery area.

My heart is for everyone at CHS to be saying these things:

"I have so many close friends at church."

"I have grown so much in my understanding of the Bible."

"I consider my church, my family."

"I KNOW I'm not alone."

Here is that link again to the survey:

"Help me find a LIFE Group" Survey

Click this if you want us to help you further in finding a group. Even if you can't come Tuesday, click this link and get started on the path to community!

Todd

As a bit of a preamble, I do not feel there is any “one-size-fits-all” approach to dating. A lot of well-intentioned Christians have been hurt by many well-intentioned Christians with a one-size-fits-all plan to avoid dating all together. I do not personally feel that your teen should or shouldn’t date as a general rule (based on gender, age, grade, etc.), but I do feel that each student should have a scriptural understanding of the proper goal and motivation for dating. 

Why do we date? This is an important question. Perhaps a more important question is why should we date? What does scripture say? 

Scripture actually doesn’t directly address dating. Dating was not an ancient practice, as the majority of marriages were legal contracts between fathers or their representatives. Abraham’s faithful servant went to the city of Nahor and brought back a wife for Isaac. Isaac did not see her until the night he married her (Genesis 24:62-66). 

But even though scripture doesn’t directly address dating, the Bible still provides us incredible instruction on the proper goals and motivation for dating. Let’s dig into this. 

So, to cover the first controversial topic…Song of Solomon 2 paints a beautiful picture of how sweet a God-centered marriage can be. This marriage is one of deep, intimate love, support, protection, and so much more. But after listing these wonderful things, Solomon adds, “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases” (Song of Solomon 2:7). He goes on to say the exact same words TWO OTHER TIMES in 3:5 and 8:4. Do you think it is important? What exactly does he mean by these words? And herein lies the controversial topic: The God-centered relationship that Solomon describes is something to be desired, and we should not be dating until we are ready to earnestly and honestly seek our spouse (and consequently, the things Solomon describes). Let me explain a bit more. Unless, we have the pure goal and motivation of seeking a spouse, then dating is no longer a means to an end, and it actually becomes the end. If we are dating with any other motivation than seeking a Godly spouse, then we are “stirring up or awakening” something that is not truly love, as we are specifically cautioned against. Doing so makes us increasingly vulnerable to a lot of harmful things. Enough said here – let’s move on. 

Walk through this logic with me: 1. Dating must be the means to the end of seeking a Godly spouse. 2. The Bible doesn’t directly address dating because it was not an ancient practice. 3. However, the Bible does give us a great deal of instruction on the type of person we should seek for our spouse. 4. Therefore, the Bible still provides us incredible instruction on the proper goals and motivation for dating. Does that make sense? 

So here’s how we apply this practically: Consider this second chapter of the Song of Solomon. Think it through. Consider what I said above. Pray about it. Come to a conclusion. You won’t automatically shift your paradigm about dating just because some guy told you to one Sunday. Earnestly examine scripture to see the picture the entirety of scripture paints of a Godly spouse. Seek that. Don’t compromise. Don’t seek other things in your dating relationships.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. What is society’s idea of dating? How do you think of it differently, if you do? 

   2.  Now to the controversy! Do you buy it? Does Solomon’s three warnings to “not stir up or awaken love until it pleases” change your idea about dating? 

Note To Parents: The God-centered relationship that Solomon describes is something to be desired, and we should not be dating until we are ready to earnestly and honestly seek our spouse (and consequently, the things Solomon describes). Let me explain a bit more. Unless, we have the pure goal and motivation of seeking a spouse, then dating is no longer a means to an end, and it actually becomes the end. If we are dating with any other motivation than seeking a Godly spouse, then we are “stirring up or awakening” something that is not truly love, as we are specifically cautioned against. Doing so makes us increasingly vulnerable to a lot of harmful things. 

   3.  Do the practical steps make sense? We’re not trying to impose anything on you, but instead, we are exhorting you to seek the answers for yourself in scripture. 

Note To Parents: So here’s how we apply this practically: Consider this second chapter of the Song of Solomon. Think it through. Consider what I said above. Pray about it. Come to a conclusion. You won’t automatically shift your paradigm about dating just because some guy told you to one Sunday. Earnestly examine scripture to see the picture the entirety of scripture paints of a Godly spouse. Seek that. Don’t compromise. Don’t seek other things in your dating relationships.

I heard a real fairytale story of love this weekend, and it had very little to do with glass slippers, starry nights, and euphoric romance. It had everything to do with gritty commitment and breaking through the hard times to a level of love I've never seen captured on a big screen.

This couple, who was sharing their story to a group of us, came to the point many marriages experience. They had an overwhelming feeling their marriage would never, never, NEVER, work. Doomed to fail. Beyond repair.

Or was it?

His love for her was completely dead. He was distant. He was emotionally checked out, and physically spent many nights away at their second home. He had nothing left to give her. He was done.

Or was he?

Her frustration with him was to the point of praying for the Lord to take one of them home. She wanted to die. She was hurt beyond repair.

Or was she?

They told their story this weekend through tears, re-experiencing the hurt and pain. They spoke of being stretched beyond what they could bear, but they did not give up. The husband held onto the fact that God did not allow for divorce in Scripture in his circumstance, so he was going to stick it out. She clung to a promise God gave her to "hold on" even though circumstances screamed "let go".

It wasn't overnight, but now they bear witness to having a deeper love than they have ever had in 31 years of marriage. Why? Because they pushed through the impossibly difficult times to experience trust and intimacy despite their past failures, hurts, and pain.

Aren't you sick of Hollywood's fairytale depiction of love, marriage, and sex? Not only is it unrealistic, it has done severe damage to our understanding of real love: commitment despite circumstances and feelings. This beautiful story is a testimony to what real love is and does.

If you are ready to give up on your marriage, I hope this story gives you a glimmer of hope to hang on. Here are a couple of things I beg you to consider before you "throw in the towel" on your marriage:

1. Be willing to forgive anything. It is possible to forgive anything in light of the forgiveness you have received from Christ. (Matt 6:12, 18:35) You may not feel this, but it's true. I may recommend a book called "Total forgiveness" by R.T. Kendall.

2. Don't isolate yourself. Find someone to support you with the efforts to keep your marriage together. You can't stand by yourself. Don't be afraid of professional counseling either. We all need it at one point or another.

3. Resist the "grass is greener" mentality. Finding happiness in your current marriage is an application of what Paul considers "being content in any and every situation." (Phil 4: 12) This contentment only comes through Christ.

Your marriage may not be bringing you much happiness right now, but it may be just what you need to be more holy. Push on, brothers and sisters. Listen to Paul's exhortation in Galatians to "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Gal 6:9) Then even you can have a "happily ever after" marriage.

Marriage Conference Promo from Church of the Holy Spirit on Vimeo.

” ¹² And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger. ¹³ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, ^14 ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!’”  Luke 2:12-14 

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I was recently reading John Piper’s advent e-book entitled “Good News Of Great Joy.” It is a great daily, short read for each day in December leading up to Christmas. (You can download it for free here.) Christmas is nearly universally embraced as a time of joy and peace for the entire world. That is why Piper’s lesson entitled “Peace to Those With Whom He’s Pleased,” based on Luke 2:12-14, was such a jarring realization about an aspect of the first coming of Christ. 

Piper honed in on the end of verse 14: “And on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” 

Piper says, “Peace for whom? There is a somber note sounded in the angels’ praise. Peace among men on whom his favor rests. Peace among men with whom he is pleased. Without faith it is impossible to please God. So Christmas does not bring peace to all.” John 3:19 says, “This is the judgment, that the light has come into the world and men loved darkness rather than the light because their deeds are evil.” Jesus is that light. Jesus brought hope and the only way to escape our bondage to sin. That is the peace Christ brought to earth. Without accepting Christ, we do not have that peace. 

God promised a man named Simeon that he would not die until he saw Christ. When Simeon held baby Jesus in the temple in Jerusalem, he told God he had seen the “salvation that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples” (Luke 2:31). That sounds like joy and peace to me. Then he says something very sobering. Luke 2:34-35 records his words: “Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed.” Simeon realized that Christ’s coming was not only an incredible gift, but was also a dividing line. Christ’s coming gave us all the opportunity to accept Christ as our salvation, or not. But he says that those who opposed Christ would be provoked by his coming. They would be offended by the gospel message. They would oppose that message at every opportunity. And since no man can oppose God, it would lead to their fall. Instead of peace, it would lead to uprising. 

Will your advent be one of celebrating the peace Christ’s birth has brought you, or begin another year of opposing the gospel message? 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. What sort of feelings are usually associated with Christmas? 

   2.  Who does Luke 2:12-14 say truly received peace from Christ’s birth? 

Note To Parents: Piper says, “Peace for whom? There is a somber note sounded in the angels’ praise. Peace among men on whom his favor rests. Peace among men with whom he is pleased. Without faith it is impossible to please God. So Christmas does not bring peace to all.” John 3:19 says, “This is the judgment, that the light has come into the world and men loved darkness rather than the light because their deeds are evil.” Jesus is that light. Jesus brought hope and the only way to escape our bondage to sin. That is the peace Christ brought to earth. Without accepting Christ, we do not have that peace. 

   3.  How can we apply Simeon’s words about the baby Jesus to our own lives?  

Note To Parents: God promised a man named Simeon that he would not die until he saw Christ. When Simeon held baby Jesus in the temple in Jerusalem, he told God he had seen the “salvation that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples” (Luke 2:31). That sounds like joy and peace to me. Then he says something very sobering. Luke 2:34-35 records his words: “Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed.” Simeon realized that Christ’s coming was not only an incredible gift, but was also a dividing line. Christ’s coming gave us all the opportunity to accept Christ as our salvation, or not. But he says that those who opposed Christ would be provoked by his coming. They would be offended by the gospel message. They would oppose that message at every opportunity. And since no man can oppose God, it would lead to their fall. Will your advent be one of celebrating the peace Christ’s birth has brought you, or begin another year of opposing the gospel message?

8Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. - 1 Peter 4:8-10

You may have noticed that on most Sundays we have bagels, butter, cream cheese, water, and quality Rwandan coffee out. (Jim Dillon and Jonna McGraw and their team do a great job providing the coffee.) Some weeks, the snack fairy brings donut holes and fruit as well.

I just talked to the snack fairy (my wife Annette), and discussed that we need a team of "snack fairies". Or to prevent guys from abdicating this important ministry to women, we will say we need an "Eat and Greet" ministry team. Annette cannot do it herself every Sunday. Even the pastor's wife is away some Sundays or is tied up doing other ministry. The scriptural way to do ministry is to do it as a team. Get involved. Let everyone have a chance to serve and use their gifts. Are you willing to help?

Your CHS family needs 5 people, who are not leading a major ministry, to step up and be responsible for 10 weeks a year. We are looking for you if you are currently not doing much to serve at CHS, but are hearing the Spirit call you to love the Body in this way. According to 1 Peter 4, offering hospitality and using your gifts to serve others is a tangible way we can love others. Email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and I will pass it on to the "snack fairy"!

Quigg+